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| I just ended my relationship with my boyfriend (we'd been together for about 18 months), and although I know it was the absolute right thing to do, I still feel horrible. On one hand, I feel like I can finally breathe again, and a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, but there are parts of me that miss him or feel sorry for him... I guess I'm just mourning the loss of the relationship, I don't know. He was such a difficult person to live with, a Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde type of guy, and it was as if the whole household was on eggshells a lot of the time, but now that he's gone all I remember are the good times when he was so charming and funny. 
At least I still have the Spidy shoes  | |
| I'm sorry you are having a difficult time. But if you feel in your heart you have made the right decision, you will soon feel better about this.
Sometimes, being in an unhealthy relationship becomes habit and as we all know, habits are very hard to break.
It's like a roller coaster ride....we all like them from time to time, but being on one constantly????
Good Luck...and keep us posted.  | | There is NOTHING worse than a bad relationship!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go ahead and morn, you most likely are mourning the loss of what you "wish" could be not what really was. Then, MOVE ON!!! No one should settle for anything less than absolutely EVERYTHING!!!! | My daughter was in a relationship like that for almost 3 yrs. Finally she ended it for good. Now she is married to a great guy that we all love. He even came to Sheepiepalooza the weekend after their wedding!
Hang in there, better things are sure to come!  | Thank you for your kind words of encouragement... I need them. I've already beaten myself up tremendously for staying with him as long as I did, especially with having kids who saw his behaviors. I am a professional, successful, "normal" person, and I just don't even know how I ended up like this. I constantly made excuses for him and tried so hard (too hard) to be empathetic to him, and lost myself in the process. The worst part is that I was focusing on him and his behaviors so much, I didn't even notice how much he was rubbing off on my sons. Now that he's out of the house, it's much easier to see, and that helps to remind me that I did the right thing, but it also makes me feel so guilty for getting into this situation in the first place.
There's also the financial aspect... it's going to be a struggle to keep my house now, and right now, it's about impossible to sell the house because there are about 5 other houses on my street that are cheaper and nicer. I feel so stuck. I feel relieved that he's gone, and proud that I finally stood up to him, but at the same time I feel so deflated... I have this overwhelming sense of failure and emptiness. I wish I had friends here, but I really don't. I moved here 2 years ago, and a week after I moved my daughter ended up in the hospital with a brain lesion, and was there for 9 months, so all my time was spent between working and visiting her. Now that she's home, my time is spent either working or being at home with the kids. Nick says I don't have any friends because I'm a horrible person, but that's not true. It's just really hard to meet people when I'm always at work or at home with kids, and even if I meet people I think I would like, I don't even have time to develop a real friendship. He makes fun of me for being on here all the time, he says that people on the computer don't count as real friends... I think he's wrong though. He has to be. The kind words here are sometimes the only kind words I hear. | Friends here are ABSOLUTELY REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I often think of things I need to tell my friends here BEFORE I think to tell other friends. | Of course we are real friends! Take a moment to
reassure yourself and think back on how much
support has come to a few who really needed it
in just the last year. There are a couple people here
who I consider my best friends. Sad as that may sound
to some, it's the truth. These people have come thru for
me even if it was simply a sympathetic ear when I
needed someone to just listen. We are here for you.
As for the ended relationship - I'm so sorry. Even if it
was the right thing for you to do, it is a loss never the less.
After the hurt fades a little you may realize it was worse
than you thought. Sometimes when we are in a situation
we become numb to it and the blinders go up. It's hard
to see the forest for the trees, you know?
Hang in there, it will get better. Nobody should have to
put up with being made fun of. You did the right thing.
Shellie |
Tasker's Mom wrote:
Friends here are ABSOLUTELY REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I often think of things I need to tell my friends here BEFORE I think to tell other friends. |
DITTO!!!!
It's weirder when you actually meet people in person and realize they just don't "live in the computer".  |
Maxmm wrote:
DITTO!!!!
It's weirder when you actually meet people in person and realize they just don't "live in the computer". |
You mean your typing friends?  | I think that this group is the exception to the rule about internet relationships. If you want to see how real we are, pack up your kids and drive up to Sheepiepalooza in Chicago or any other sheepie event! I've met some truly wonderful people through OES.org. But that doesn't mean that all people on the 'net are this nice - you still need to be very careful!
I know exactly how you feel about your ex. I spent 2 years dating the same kind of guy. Sometimes he was charming and smart and the life of the party. Other times he was a nightmare - moody and spoiled and depressed. And of course, drunk. He threatened to kill himself a few times. He got even drunker. So I finally broke it off and I felt exactly how you do now. I think I was sad about what could have been - it should have been such a great relationship. It had some shining moments. But in reality, it was a tremendous burden. And a few years later I did meet a really great guy.
You did the right thing and now you can focus on your children and your financial situation. Good things will come to you, don't worry! |
Bailey's Mom wrote:
I think that this group is the exception to the rule about internet relationships. If you want to see how real we are, pack up your kids and drive up to Sheepiepalooza in Chicago or any other sheepie event! I've met some truly wonderful people through OES.org. But that doesn't mean that all people on the 'net are this nice - you still need to be very careful!
|
That is why this is the only forum I "talk" on. I've seen way too many stories about internet people turning out to be dangerous stalkers, and I am not about to think that couldn't happen to me. Especially after this situation with Nick. If I can get myself into that sort of mess, I have no doubt that I am not immune to anything else. I just need to keep my eyes wide open and trust my insticts (I had warning bells and red flags early on.... I should have just listened). And I am definitely going to try my best to make it to Chicago. It will be easier now because I wont have to worry about what Nick is doing in my house (and with whom) while I am out of town, and I wont have the harassing phone calls every half hour checking up on me or accusing me of seeing someone else  Geez... what did I see in him anyway? I agree, it's hard to see the forest for the trees, and it's much easier to recognize abuse and manipulation once you're no longer in the midst of it. I'm amazed (and ashamed) at just how much I actually put up with. | I understand, far too well, where you're coming from. While you will mourn the loss of what you wished he could be, you will find that the mourning won't last long. And it's so much better to be "alone" than to be with someone who makes you miserable and be wishing you were alone.
You will find yourself feeling so much happier and more free. Just don't waste time beating yourself up for making a few bad decisions. Put it behind you and move on. The future is bright!  | I'm so glad you ended this relationship. It sounds an awful lot like one my best friend is currently in, and I'm trying to subtly get her to see the light too. Your telling comment was "I lost myself in the process." BINGO!!
You will be just fine! The hard part is over - now on to the rest of your life!  |
Drezzie's Mom wrote:
I'm so glad you ended this relationship. It sounds an awful lot like one my best friend is currently in, and I'm trying to subtly get her to see the light too. Your telling comment was "I lost myself in the process." BINGO!!
You will be just fine! The hard part is over - now on to the rest of your life! |
I don't know if your friend would be open to reading this book, but if she is, or if there is even a remote chance that she might be, I would recommend getting "Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft. I bought this book on Wednesday evening, and by Friday afternoon, I knew what I needed to do, and did it. It is written by a man who worked with abusive men (not just physical abusers, either... a lot of the focus is on emotional abuse and manipulation). This book was/is a life-saver! I have finished it, and am now starting it over. I am going to have my daughter read it when she is older (before she starts dating), and my sons as well. It is just THAT good. I have been tempted several times this weekend (and even once today) to contact Nick, just to "see how he's doing", and if it weren't for that book, I probably would have. I tried to break up with Nick before and it only lasted less than 2 weeks, but I really mean business this time, and that book really is what keeps me firm.
You know... one of the ways Nick would manipulate me was by sabatoging my efforts to rehabilitate/train Stella and to train Sampson. He'd let them run loose in the house when I was at work, and he'd refuse to work with them at all. I'd come home to "accidents", and he'd tell me, "I'm not doing anything with the dogs. They aren't mine, I told you not to get them, and they don't listen to me". When he did try to work with them, he'd use different commands than I had been using with them, even when I explained that it was confusing the dogs.
The day before I ended it, we got in a fight over the phone while I was at work and he was at home with the dogs. He threatened to let Sampson out of the house to run loose if I didn't cave in and apologize for "yelling" at him, even though he had been the one cussing at me and calling me names. When I got home and tried to talk to him about how unfair that was to threaten me like that he just laughed and said, "C'mon, you know I wouldn't actually do that. I was just mad. You're over-reacting." He basically turned the whole thing around on me, and if it weren't for that book, I would have fallen for it. He really was a sadistic control freak.  | Congratulations on standing up to him for you and your sons! That was such a brave and difficult thing to do. You definitely did the right thing. It will be hard in the beginning, but each day will get better.
IheartStella wrote:
He was such a difficult person to live with, a Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde type of guy, and it was as if the whole household was on eggshells a lot of the time, but now that he's gone all I remember are the good times when he was so charming and funny. |
It is nice to have the good memories (and they're good reason to not beat yourself up for staying with him!), but don't forget the bad ones and why you ended it!! If it helps, you could make a pro/con list about him to really see the concrete evidence on why it didn't work out. If you feel yourself getting weak about it, look at the list and see all the reasons why you don't want him around.
And don't let him brainwash you to think that you don't have friends because you're a bad person. It's hard to meet new people as an adult in a new city, especially with your circumstances (eg, the hospital). But when you're ready, I'm sure there are plenty of social situations that you can join in to get to know people in your area. Most people that have kids and work don't have the huge network of close friends that tv shows make you think they do. Other people would want to meet you too! 
Good luck getting through this difficult time, but congratulations on doing the right thing. That took guts and we're proud of you! | | I think a list is a very good idea. I'm also making a list of all the money he cost me (even though he never directly asked for money), and of all the personal property he destroyed (including my living room furniture, a window, a door, a hole in my entry hallway wall, and numerous BB dents in the drywall). That ought to keep those fond thoughts of him at bay. I just wish my stomach wasn't in knots still. I don't have an anxiety disorder or anything like that, but I've felt like I'm on the verge of an anxiety attack all day. My chest is "tight as a funeral drum", to quote Pink Floyd. |
IheartStella wrote:
I don't have an anxiety disorder or anything like that, but I've felt like I'm on the verge of an anxiety attack all day. My chest is "tight as a funeral drum", to quote Pink Floyd. |
You dont have to have an anxiety disorder to have a panic attack....I started having them a few years back, when a member of my household had a suicide attempt. Do NOT feel embarrassed to look for medical or therapy help with that! Its a normal human reaction to EXTREME stress.
I also want to ditto the comments about friends here on the forum....If you were a "horrible" person, we'd know it! Your posts have shown us a wonderful, funny, smart lady  . Plus, unlike "local" friends, at least a few of us are around ALL the time!  | | Agreed with all the positive encouragement. You did the right thing to get red of the stress in your life.Things will get better and you'll be able to focus on the new challenges. Will keep you in my prayers as you struggle with the finances and emotional turmoil. Hang in there. | Hang in there it will turn into a brighter future for you all.
| | I'm sorry to hear about the break-up. I think most of know what it's like to know what you did was right but still have only positive memories. Grrrr Big hugs to you... | Maybe this is on topic: Bumber sticker I saw this afternoon
"I trained my dogs; my husband [partner] that's another story" | Thanks again, all of you. I've checked this thread a million times today and re-read each post each time, especially when I felt like calling Nick, and it has truly helped (I didn't call him  ). I went to the food pantry tonight at a local church and got enough groceries to get me through the next couple of days. I had $6.00 left on my credit card and bought some hamburger for $2.65 to go with the hamburger helper the church gave me. I've got 1/4 tank of gas left (and I live about 40 minutes from work) I talked to a friend at work though, and she'll loan me gas money to get me through to Friday. See? Who says I don't have friends here, too, lol. Although I must say you guys really are the best. It's nice to be able to talk openly and not feel belittled or frowned upon.
As far as bumper stickers go, I used to have one that said "I child-proofed my whole house, but they keep getting back in" | | Good for you - way to keep going!!! | I'm thinking of you and really do hope that you are able to get to SheepieFest. Please send me a PM or email...we'll get you here
I'm very happy you got up the courage to leave this man. You and you children will thank you for years to come.
I have made some truly wonderful forum friends both online and in person. If it weren't for this forum, I would've lost my mind many times. Please don't hesitate to get treatment if you are feeling anxious. Even the most calm person needs help sometimes | | You did the right thing. If he wasn't making you feel good about yourself, then you definitely don't need him. I think everyone has at least one of those relationships once in their lives. Even when you know you have to end it, it still hurts because now you've given up stability for the unknown. Sometimes unknown is much better though! If I hadn't made that same choice, I wouldn't have met the guy I just married. Things always do have a way of working out, although all the cliches in the world won't make you feel better yet. As much as it sucks to wait for it, time does heal all. | You have had a bad experience, along with your other issues (like your daughter being ill) you have had so much to think about and deal with. Please remember NONE of this is your fault!! This guy treated you badly, he probably knew you were having a bad time and used that to his advantage, but would not admit that to himself of course, you (and your family, including your dogs) deserve the best. ONLY the best.
I know it seems like a long way off, but there really is someone wonderful out there for you! Happiness is just around the corner.
You have obviously done the right thing in ending this relationship.
There is a fine line between pity and love, especially with very kind hearted people like you. DO NOT confuse your pity with love
I wish you the best of luck and true love, remember we are all here if you need anything, don't be afraid to send me a PM if you wish, we will keep you strong!!
Cassie. | Nick called last night Thank God he's not stalking me and calling non-stop... he almost never calls, which is definitely for the best. He was trying to be really nice, and sounded so sad and pathetic... but guess what? I was ready for it because he said and did all the things my book said he would, so i was able to recognize it before I let it pull my heartstrings. And even with him sounding so sad, I could still hear undertones of his controlling and manipulation. I ended the conversation and told him not to call again until he was ready to come get the rest of his stuff. My daughter was sleeping in my bed next to me when he called, and I just kept looking over at her and that was all the reassurance I needed.
But then after I hung up, I was overwhelmed with this sadness again. I cried myself to sleep, had horrible dreams all night, and was crying when I woke up. but I know I am lamenting over the loss of what could have been, not the loss of Nick. The stress level around here is crazy because of the transitionaing and adjusting, but it's still so much better than the pins and needles everyone was always on when Nick was here. I'm getting the kids into counseling, and I'm looking for a domestic abuse counselor for myself as well. I am determined to get through this.
You know, one of the things that makes me SO mad at Nick is that he knew all the BS I have already gone through in life (as have most people in life). I'm a single parent with 3 special needs kids (my 11 year old daughter's brain lesion, my 9 year old son has an Autism spectrum disorder although he is "very high functioning", and my 7 year old has ADHD (he's like the Energizer bunny on speed). It just makes me really mad that after knowing all that I've already had to deal with, he would dare to add to my plate and still try to tell me he loves me. Anyone who loves me would want to take some of the load off, not add to it. I'm just so thankful that none of my kids are his | Good for you!!  Like you said, you are mourning the loss of what could have been, not what was. You will get through this and come out of it a stronger woman. I am definitely going to recommend that book to my friend - thanks!
Hang in there. Every day will get a little better. | | Just remember that you've already endured the worst part. It's behind you now. From here on out, it can only get better. Keep looking up. | I've had several people send me private messages, and then there are these messages here on this thread, and I just want to let everyone know that I am doing this, and I am strengthened by every word of encouragement you've given me.
I've noticed something really wrong about society though... it's amazing to me how almost every woman I talk to or hear from can relate or empathize with what I am going through. Either they've been there themselves or they are close to someone who has been through it. Yet I have noticed that a fair amount of men either ignore it completely and say nothing (even the men who seem to have an opinion about everything), or they look down on me as if I was somehow to blame, and they empathize with Nick's role. 
I had a male friend last night who called to check on me, and he started off encouraging me, but then he started to say things like, "Are you sure you don't want to try counseling with him to work things out?" "Maybe he just never learned how to have a relationship because of how he was raised". And "Do you really consider him to be 'abusive', that's a really strong word... it's not like he was giving you black eyes or anything".
Needless to say I was stunned. First off, why would I go to couples counselling with him? He needs to fix his thinking and his attitude, and that has nothing to do with me.... it's HIS problem. I was not the first woman he was abusive towards, and I don't abuse him, so I am not the problem here. Second, so what if he had a crappy childhood? I had it 10 times worse than he ever did, and I know how to treat people... and he does too. He's able to control his anger and temper when there is a possibility of a real consequence... he didn't cuss at me or put his hands on me in public where someone would intervene or see him. He was in complete control and chose when he was abusive. And third, who the heck is anyone to tell me Nick wasn't abusive just because he never punched me in the eye? I have scars from where he bit my hand when I was fleeing the house, I have pictures of bruising on my neck from him choking me (and as soon as he noticed there were red marks, he let up... again, in full control of his actions), and he would block me from leaving when he was yelling at me. Not to mention all the mental anguish and tormenting he caused.
Some people have a really twisted sense of what constitutes mistreatment and abuse. My guess is that my "friend" had at some point cussed out and maybe even restrained a former girlfriend, and that is why he refuses to recognize Nick's behavior as abuse, because then he'd have to own up to his own behavior. He did mention before that he had a "bad temper"... now I think I know what he meant. I don't think that is a friendship I will be keeping.
Don't get me wrong, I am not categorizing all men (I'm not watching all the Lifetime movies and burning my bra), it just seems that many men out there really don't understand how devastating these "minor" things can be. But there are also a lot of great men out there who do, and who would never condone such behavior. I keep thinking of my grandfather, and how loving and kind he was to my grandmother. Sure they argued (although I can not remember any of these arguments specifically), but he NEVER screamed at her, never called her names, and never ever even appeared as if he might lose his temper physically. I did hear my grandmother say the "s" word once (and nearly fainted), and she would sometimes dry the dished aggressively if she was frustrated (or vacuum aggressively, lol)... but never in a million years would either of them been abusive to eachother. If I ever get involved with a man again... I will be sure to find someone like my grandfather, that's for sure (but younger) . | | Hi I just want you to know I'm VERY proud of you My ex husband's name was Nick I was with him for almost 10 years and married him for 4 years. I truley feel your pain. Hang in there you are doing the right thing If you need anything thing I mean anything I am here for you | Maybe guys named Nick are the problem then?
I'm glad you got yourself and your kids out of a bad situation. Continue to be strong and brave, and resist the siren call of the Nick.
| The reaction you are getting men vs. women is probably a very complex issue. Perhaps part of it is that men "know" the feeling of being in a bad relationship and put themselves in his place.
I can imagine telling a woman my tales of woe in a bad relationship and not getting much sympathy about he evil "she" was.
In addition in my experience and as you know, these problems are frequently "resolved" by the couple getting back together again (not saying YOU will); how would you feel towards someone who had agreed with you and called "your guy" a no-good-Nick (ha! Accidental humor there!) and a bunch of other names? | Thanks Rstv
And thanks Ron for pointing that out... I definitely see what you're saying (however if you were to tell me of a former girlfriend who called you a "[bad name]" and destroyed your home, I promise I would think she was an evil monster ). I do know that a few of my friends were very reserved in their comments regarding Nick for that very reason, but not now... Everyone has been very open and honest about how much of a creep they think/know he is. I guess because I've made such a big fuss over how serious I am and how I am never going back (or letting him come back, i should say). I am still struggling to get through this "One minute at a time", as someone put it, but I AM doing it. I can't even think of 1 benefit that being with Nick would have, not even one! But I see nothing but good coming from getting, no TAKING, my life back.
Someone at work today suggested that I avoid dating for a while... I couldn't help but laugh.. Are you kidding??? I wont be dating for at LEAST a year... probably more (11 years would be good... then my kids will be grown). I have a full-time job, 3 kids, 3 dogs, 2 cats, 1 rabbit, 2 lizards, 2 fish tanks, and the house, the yardwork, etc... All of which need my attention, especially since so much of my attention had previously been siphoned off by No-Good-Nick (loved that, Ron). My house and yard in particular have been seriously neglected over the last year or so. When would I even have time to try dating?!? No thanks... | | That sounds very wise, I can tell by your posts you would not have him back. NGN as he is now known is in the PAST. Its great that you are going to spend your precious time on better, more rewarding things | See, that name calling and destruction wouldn't likely come from a woman, and to a guy being called such a name isn't a very bad offense.
If I told another guy: "She called me a [bad name]" he'd look at me like I had three heads.
On the other hand if I told another guy: "She constantly nagged me about everything, she wouldn't leave me alone about anything and wouldn't have relations" he'd be buying me a beer, and a woman overhearing this would say "so?"
Now that I've successfully stereotyped the entire population, my work is done. | | LOL... thanks for clearing all that up, Ron | Be thankful you only wasted 18 months on him, you could have wasted years as I did with my ex.
I know it hurts now, but time heals all wounds. |
Beaureguard's Mom wrote:
And it's so much better to be "alone" than to be with someone who makes you miserable and be wishing you were alone. |
ABSOLUTELY!!!!
The future's so bright, you gotta wear shades  | I was supposed to get paid today, but for some reason I get less than half of my paycheck (it's automatic deposit)
Now I have to try to figure out what happened to the rest of my check... this is NOT good timing, lol. | I applaud you for having the strength and courage to leave a very bad situation and move forward. Abuse only escalates.
I know many people(male & female) who will not give opinions to a person that has broken a relationship. Because, the friends do not want to lose the friendship if that person gets back together with the party in question. Sometimes the friend that is the most supportive will suffer the most because if you resume the bad relationship and your friends are now privy to how badly you've been treated it can lead to a lot of uncomfortability for everyone involved. And sometimes the abuser will then alienate you from the friends who cared the most about you because he will know they are wise to him.
I also know people that will play devils advocate with you because they think they are helping you to come to the conclusion yourself what a deadbeat you were hooked up with. Not because they are taking that person's side. They are really well meaning and that is just their particular approach and think they are helping and for some personalities that approach is effective.
Anyone that threatens to let your innocent animal run loose to scare or manipulate you, the fact that anyone could even THINK that way even if they didn't do it YET. Bad news!
Again, I applaud you for getting you and your family out of that situation! May you continue to have all the strength you will need to carry on and make a better future.
I'd check Marianne's posts for home and garden inspiration! | Thank you LVSL,
It's been such a roller coaster ride of emotions, but it is SO worth it. And thank you for your insight as to why some people respond the way they do... I understand your points. I did leave Nick before and just what you described actually happened. After I took Nick back in, it made my friend feel very uncomfortable any time we talked and he was around or he came up. So we stopped communicating. Fortunately that friend was very understanding and forgiving. This time around though, I was able to have a much better plan, and I made the decision to leave him when I was calm and collected. (The last time I kicked him out in the middle of a big fight, and once the emotions settled down, my mind wasn't quite there, and I felt sorry for him). I think planning it out before hand and having the book that foretold all the things he would say and do made this time so much easier.
Nick called me last night about 10 times. I finally answered, and he was drunk (or well on his way). I told him I didn't want to talk to him unless it was about him picking up the rest of his things, and he was very upset, and accused me of having someone else, and I was SO glad because it served to remind me AGAIN that this really was the right thing to do. Two more things I no longer have to deal with... his drinking and his outlandish accusations.
Woo-hoo!!!! | | You are sounding stronger every day! Good for you for standing up to NGN! The paycheck God must have thought you needed yet another challenge |
Sheepie in Vt wrote:
You are sounding stronger every day! Good for you for standing up to NGN! The paycheck God must have thought you needed yet another challenge |
That's OK... i don't mind a few challenges Apparently it was a mess-up in payroll. they fed-exed the remainder of my paycheck to me today, so I'll have a place to live for at least another month Actually, with NGN around, I have already started to save on money and was able to go to Wal-Mart and fill up TWO grocery carts with food and other household items for my kids and I. I got some food to take to the food pantry that helped us out last week, too.... They made it possible to make it to my check.
I don't drink at all, but I have a lovely set of wine glasses that were given to me as a house warming gift, so I got some Cran-Grape juice and drank it from the wine glass while I made dinner tonight... such a nice relaxing evening with the kids... I'm really beginning to like this. I think I'm going to take a bubble bath later (and read some more of that book ) |
Pepsi's Mommy wrote:
Be thankful you only wasted 18 months on him, you could have wasted years as I did with my ex.
I know it hurts now, but time heals all wounds. |
I stayed for 16 yrs and abuse!! with 4 children. He cheated so many times and then blamed it on me, His reasons are so pitaful now, but then I beleaved him. DUMB I was, I have been married to my hubby for 30 yrs this Dec,10th. You did the right thing, HUGS  | | It sounds like you are doing so much better. I'm proud of you. Keep going...I hope you enjoyed your bath and book. |
Quote:
I stayed for 16 yrs and abuse!! with 4 children. He cheated so many times and then blamed it on me, His reasons are so pitaful now, but then I beleaved him. DUMB I was, I have been married to my hubby for 30 yrs this Dec,10th. You did the right thing, HUGS |
Wow, 30 years?!? Congratulations!
I never even made it to my bath... I fell asleep before I got a chance But I slept well, so it's still all good I groomed my Bichon today.. it took almost 3 hours because the sheepies gets her all slobbery when they play and her fur was sooo matted because of it She hates me now, but she looks much better.
Now I get to go tackle the Sheepies!! | Your new mantra which you repeat to yourself a thousand times a day if you have to..."I am a strong woman...a survivor... or I deserve more than what he had to offer. Whatever you decide your "mantra" is..keep repeating it and stay strong!
Sometimes when others have beaten down our self esteem we don't value ourselves. As a result in some misquided way go back to the person that lowered our self esteem in the first place. You may not recognize it now (you're beginning to) but you will SEE you are a wonderful person who deserves a man to love and support her. You ARE strong ( raising three disabled children!! not many people would have the stamina) Look at your strenghts you've been strong for them now it's also time to think of yourself as well.
Love isn't harming the persons valuables or throwing insults at them. Love is encouragement and being supportive. You deserve that!
We ARE like at family at OES and we are your real friends. We're here for you and wish I could have you over for coffee and give you a hug. Remember each day it becomes easier...one step at a time and one day at a time.
Marianne | I had to see Nick the other night because I had some of his paperwork he needed for a court appearance. He was civil, and it was OK, very brief... but since then he has been calling non-stop and telling me how much he loves me and misses me, blah blah blah. I am so glad he waited to start this because it's so easy just to ignore the calls or hang up on him. It would have been much harder if he had pestered me the first couple weeks.
I'm really happy that I got out of that mess. Life is so much more calm and peaceful now. I'm free to focus on my kids and the dogs... just like I should. I thought the nights would get lonely, but they don't. I am so busy with everything else goign on in my life that by the time the kids go to bed, I welcome the solitude and quiet, and when I go to bed I fall asleep right away because I am so tired from my full day. It all works out. | | I was wondering how you where doing. I am glad that you are at peace now. Thank you for the update. | Sounds great!
Now, you need to concentrate on finding the RIGHT guy. | | Maybe some day Ron, but for now, I'm just concentrating on work, kids, the dogs, etc... I don't even think I have TIME for Mr. Right, lol. |
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